April 19, 2009

Kino Escalation Ladder

This is the kino escalation method that I use. When I teach workshops, I teach guys this method so that they can initiate physical touch (kino) with a woman and escalate to making out.

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A lot of schools seem to teach kino escalation as being sorta “sprinkle some on top” and you’re good to go.

Not quite.

I’ll often watch a guy have a great interaction where the girl is ready for him to go in for the kiss, and maybe take her home, if the guy does it correctly. However, the guy then awkwardly kinos, fails to escalate smoothly, and just like that he's finished. It’s like watching a guy walk right into a blowout or — maybe even worse — into the friend zone, and especially sad to see because it's so preventable. Follow this kino escalation method and you should be good to go.

This was made to lead from the opening to the first kiss.

There are 5 steps in the kino escalation method. They correlate with how attracted the woman is and how well she is responding to what you are doing. Steps 1 and 2 are for attraction, 3 is for the vibing/rapport-entry stage, 4 is for rapport (mixed with some additional light attraction), and 5 is for seduction. You don’t always have to go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5; you can skip steps or even start around Step 3 if it’s a great direct set. Almost all stages have some attraction material, but CALIBRATE it, experiment with it, and see what works for you.

The Five Steps:

1. Kino the target as you would (and should) anyone in the group. Light elbow and shoulder touches and plenty of 'em. DO IT ASAP!!! The longer you wait, the more awkward it’s going to be later. Do this in conjunction with attraction material. Stand the same length away as you would with a guy, and make sure you’re not invading their psychological space (that comes later). Stand with your body at an angle to hers — in other words, don't directly face her — and keep your body language open. This is still friendly, non-threatening touching. She should be laughing and bantering with you.

Time: From the open

Body distance: as you would with a guy; not invading personal space yet

Body position: angled

Kino type: light elbow and shoulder touches

2. The set has hooked. The group likes you and wants you to stay. Step a little closer and enter her personal space just a bit. A stranger would feel a bit uncomfortable with where you're at, but not too much. Keep your body somewhat angled to hers. I’ll start doing play hugs now when I call her a brat or playfully bust on her for something. I’ll kino behind the back and probably on the hip. This is still in attraction phase.

Time: From hook point

Body distance: slightly invading personal space

Body position: still angled

Kino type: light back and hip touches, play hugs (plus kino from Step 1)

3. She likes you now and is attracted, but she wants to know more about you. Lighten up on the attraction. We are now in the "rapport" phase, where the two of you vibe, get to know each other, and develop a connection. Turn to face her instead of keeping your body angled. Step a bit closer and invade her psychological space; a stranger would step back from you. When you kino, it is more special and personal. Start "dragging" your kino: instead of quick touches, your hands will rest for a moment and then slide lightly and briefly down her arm, across her back, etc. I'll occasionally place both hands on her hips when I am saying something deep. Note that the psychological space invasion works partly to isolate the two of you from the group. This is how that “Bubble” is created where it is just you and her. Try to isolate physically at this point, if you like.

Time: from start of rapport

Body distance: invading personal space

Body position: facing her

Kino type: "drag" the kino from Steps 1 and 2; place hands on her hips during deep moments

4. Even closer now. Angle your body to hers again, but for a new reason: this lets you put your arm around her. You can leave your arm around her and your hand on her far hip. Your hips are probably touching at this point. The hand test (if you grab her hand then loosen your grip, she’ll hold on) should work here or even earlier, in Step 3. I’ll drop the pitch of my voice and slow my speech. By whispering in her ear, I should get face to face kino. I can also kino her hips, stomach, etc with the arm I don't have around her. A sincere complement would be nice here too :). This is the step where she will start to kino you back, if she hasn't already, and leave her hands on you or drag them.

Time: partway through rapport (use calibration to see when increased intimacy is appropriate)

Body distance: invading personal space; usually touching hips

Body position: angled hip-to-hip, with your arm around her

Kino type: arm around her, hips touching, face-to-face kino while whispering; optionally kino hips, stomach with your free hand

5. This step is like Step 4, but now you should slip your hand behind her neck and play with her hair. Pull it a bit and rest your hand on her neck. If she lets you do this, she should be available to kiss. You should be able to get VERY close to her face, like an inch from it, and she won’t back away. Initiate the kiss however you like. I usually just lock eyes, slide one hand over her shoulder and behind her neck, and gently pull her in. Slow and steady; don’t force it. The only good thing from that stupid movie Hitch was the “90/10 rule:” go in only 90% of the distance for the kiss, and she should come in for the other 10% herself. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t want to kiss you… yet.

Time: when it's time to kiss

Body distance: invading personal space

Body position: whatever, just kiss her, you dummy

Kino type: slip hand behind neck, play with hair, kiss (using 90/10 rule)

BAM!!! Smoochy time. This whole process, all 5 steps, can take anywhere from five minutes to the whole night. It depends on you and the type of game you're running.

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So there it is, guys. That's how I handle kino escalation, from the opener to the kiss. It seems complicated, but it’s really quite easy. Getting the hang of doing it smoothly only takes a few tries.